


Daylight

by Arianne_Isobel



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Coming Out, Domestic Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-04 15:35:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3073172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arianne_Isobel/pseuds/Arianne_Isobel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur finally comes out to his father, Merlin finally stands up for himself. The story of being broken down and coming back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Contains mild homophobia and, in light of recent events on Tumblr, with bulling in the LBGT community, please tell me and I'll tag any triggers!

Part one: The making of Arthur.

 

Uther sat in front of him; his once gentle hands were now gripping the arms of his desk chair, knuckles going white with the effort. His face was red with anger, spluttering indecencies, about how no son of his would be gay, he wasn’t raised like this. Don’t even think about coming back.

 

Arthur backed out the room slowly, shaking his head, willing these damn tears to just disappear. He didn’t expect a better response from his father, but god it burned down to his very soul. His father, the man who scooped him up when he fell off his bike, the man who stayed up until 2am with him when he was doing his dissertation, had now disowned him, all because he liked men.

Morgana waited outside the office, face solemn as she wrapped her arms around his shaking figure. Neither of them were the hugging type usually, but all of that could be damned now, all the rules were going out the window anyway. Hot tears ran down his face. He knew this was going to be hard, but he couldn’t have imagined this kind of pain. 

 

Morgana pulled back, staring at him with piercing, cold green eyes. “It’s over, there’s nothing you can do now.” Her voice was strong with determination. Arthur just nodded weakly.

 

“Thanks, Morgana.” He whispered, letting her lead him out the exit and to her car. 

 

“We’re going to get you pissed tonight, like really pissed. Think of it as a coming out party” She told him on the drive home. “Everyone’s coming, we’re all here for you, okay?” her words held no softness, more stern than sympathetic.

 

“Yes Sir” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes as it usually would. Really, he didn’t feel like going out, he wanted to stay in his room and drink himself into oblivion on his own, but, alas Morgana wouldn’t allow it, in her determination to show him that he was loved and supported. And he appreciated the gesture, it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done, but he wanted to be alone, to process what happened, to grieve the loss of his father.

 

**********-**********

 

“More shots!” Gwaine announced, carrying a hazardous amount of brightly coloured shots on a black tray.

 

“Do I even want to know what’s in there?” Gwen snorted delicately.

 

“I could tell you, but you won’t remember it in the morning darling” Gwaine winked, and Lance practically growled as he pulled Gwen closer to his side. Everyone was there, celebrating Arthur coming out the proverbial closet. Gwaine, Percy, Gwen and Lance, Morgana and Leon, even Merlin and his boyfriend, Cedric. Arthur didn’t think he particularly liked Merlin, he’d only met his a few times, he was more an acquaintance than friend, someone he shared mutual friends with. But the man never smiled, he always looked miserable. Cedric, on the other hand, he liked. He was always happy, always sharing a joke, always helpful; he honestly didn’t know how he put up with someone like Merlin. 

 

Arthur picked up the shot glass, probably too quickly in his drunken state, but he drank it sharply anyway. Enjoying the buzz while it lasted. The shot tasted like cherries and summer and Arthur could have drank a bottle of it.

 

“You can’t drink a bottle of it” Merlin snorted.

 

Arthur’s eyes widened “Was I talking?” He half whispered, then giggled, whoops, he was thinking out loud again, he did that a lot when he was drunk.

 

“Yes, you did, and you do” Merlin stared at him hard.

 

“you’re miserable” Arthur narrowed his eyes at the younger man. Okay, he was only younger than him by a couple of years, but younger none the less. He was miserable, though. Miserable and beautiful and currently scowling and rolling his eyes.

 

“How do you put up with it?” Arthur slurred at Cedric, who raised a suggestive eyebrow.

 

“Oh, don’t worry, I have my ways”

 

“More shots?” Gwaine asked, leading him away from the table, and towards the bar.

 

**********-***********

 

He woke up with a hellish hangover, and Morgana banging around in the kitchen wasn’t doing anything for his poor, wounded head. He rolled out of bed, and padded down stairs. Painkillers and strong coffee was what he needed right now. 

 

“Sleeping beauty!” Morgana announced as the made his way into the kitchen. “You’re up”

 

“you’re loud” He frowned, pushing two aspirins out the packet and swallowing them down with some water.

 

“Well, you do insist on doing shots with Gwaine” She smirked, pouring him a mug of coffee. 

 

“Did I do anything spectacularly embarrassing last night?”

 

“Nah” She shrugged “Told Gwaine he had great hair, told Leon he’s very ginger and told Merlin he’s miserable, standard really. Fry up?” she waved the frying pan in his direction.

 

“Well at least I told the truth, Gwaine does have great hair, and Leon is ginger, and Merlin is…well, Merlin is bloody miserable. I don’t even know why he was there”

 

“He’s a friend, and you’re forgetting that he’s been through all this, he came out to his mum a few years ago, and don’t forget he had much less support, maybe it would do you some good to, you know, talk to him. He’s really not that miserable, well he is recently but…just get him on his own and talk to him, you’ll find he’s surprisingly wise”

 

“I have no desire to talk to Merlin, thank you very much, and for gods sake woman, stop skimping on the bacon”

 

That’s why Arthur ended up with a shoe imprint on his back.

 

**********-**********

 

Arthur hated meetings. The people were boring and his boss didn’t allow snacks or drinks that weren’t water or any sign of life into the meeting room.

 

So, he quietly tapped his pen on his leg, drowning out the droning voices of recent stocks and shares and sales. He could feel the knowing looks of his colleges, the sideway glances and whispers when they thought he was out of ear shot. News of him coming out had gotten around pretty quickly. He’d managed to keep it a secret since he was 15, now the whole world seemed to know. Not that he was ashamed, quite the opposite, really, but now he was in a professional setting, he thought he wouldn’t be victim to all the gossip and curious looks. This is exactly why he didn’t come out in school.

 

The meeting ended after 90 unspectacular minutes, and everyone shuffled back to the desks. Arthur sat in front of his computer, replying to an email from a client when Valiant pushed himself over to his desk.

 

“Oi, Pendragon, heard you came out the closet” Valiant mock whispered, knowing everyone would be listening.

 

“Why is it any of your business?” Arthur carried on typing, not looking up.

 

“Cause me and Owain had a bet on, He says you didn’t have the balls to do it”

 

“Shut the fuck up Val before the bullshit rots your teeth” Leon shot at Valiant, glaring from across his desk. Valiant simply shrugged and pushed himself back to his desk.

 

“Thanks, Leon” Arthur let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

 

“No problem, man, anyone else tries to give you grief, I’ll run them through” He winked.

 

Arthur tried to concentrate on his work, but it was impossible, the stares and whispers, it was people thought he was blind and deaf, and probably dumb, as some of them outright stared. For gods sake they were all adults, could they not act like it? Did they not understand that it hurt?

 

**********-**********

 

Morgana’s Friday night dinners were a tradition, or at least that’s what she was telling people. This Friday night was - unfortunately - no different. So, Arthur got the nice wine glasses out and the good wine out the fridge while Morgana cooked. He was banned from cooking after he burnt the pasta for her carbonara when they were 22. In his defense, he’d only ever cooked ready meals, how was he supposed know that it wasn’t meant to go in the microwave?

 

So, he drank wine with Gwen and Lance while they waited for the rest of them to arrive. 

 

Everyone seemed to be in high spirits as they ate Morgana’s Beef something…Arthur honestly couldn’t remember what it was called after the third class of wine, but it was good. Even Merlin seemed to be enjoying himself as he chatted to Gwen about something.

 

Later on, everyone was sat around in the living room, finishing off the last of the wine and beers as they chatted about the week. Arthur slipped out to the balcony, needing some space and air. His first week without talking to his father. He could admit, his father could be cold and cruel, but he had his soft side as well, it didn’t come out all that often, but Arthur had cherished the memories, knowing that someday he’d need some good memories to drown out the vicious words he’d said.

 

“Hey” A small voice behind him intruded his thoughts. He turned slightly to see Merlin softly close the door behind him.” It’s bloody cold out here” Merlin wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep some warmth “What you doing out here on your own?”

 

He had a slight accent Arthur couldn’t quite figure out. “Just, you know, wanted some space, a bit of air, it’s been one hell of a week” He sighed, shaking his head, hoping it would magically erase the memories. Of course, it didn’t. “What you doing out here?”

 

Merlin held up a cigarette packet sheepishly. “Morgana said I could smoke out here, that alright?”

 

“Sure” Arthur shrugged, watching as Merlin lit the cigarette. “Want one?” Merlin asked when he caught Arthur watching. He shook his head, and Merlin quirked his lips up, almost like a smile.

 

“Does Cedric know you smoke?”

 

The almost smile dropped off Merlin’s face, he looked impassive, perhaps too impassive. “Yeah” He said sharply, defensive.

 

“And he’s alright with it?”

 

“Cedric doesn’t like me doing a lot of things, most things, actually. Smoking is on that long, long list” Merlin drawled, staring out over the black horizon. 

 

“I find that hard to believe, he always seems so damn happy, I’d have thought it would be the other way around”

 

Merlin took a long drag. “Yeah, well. You thought wrong”

 

They were silent for a while then, as Merlin puffed away and Arthur watched the dancing lights that seemed a million miles away.

 

“Look” Merlin Finally said. “I know what you’re going through is hard, I just wanted to let you know that if you wanted to talk to someone that isn’t your sister, I know we’re not exactly mates or anything, and I’m not suggesting we become BFFs, but if you wanted to talk to someone who isn’t straight, I’m here.”

 

“Are you suggesting I don’t have any gay friends?” Arthur scoffed.

 

Merlin raised an eyebrow. “Do you?”

 

“That is none of your business!”

 

“I was just trying to - ”

 

“I don’t need your help Merlin” With that, Arthur stamped back into the house. He may have overreacted a tiny bit, or a lot, but he didn’t want Merlin’s help, Merlin didn’t even like him, Morgana had probably put him up to it. Damn Morgana

 

So, he sat moodily on the floor, as there weren’t enough seats for everyone. Arms crossed over his chest like a child having a tantrum, but right now, he didn’t care. He glared at Morgana for a bit, but it seemed to make her happier, so he moved on to Merlin.

 

Merlin, he just couldn’t figure out. He barely spoke to him, unless it was making a quip at something he’d done or said, then all of a sudden he was saying he was there for him, what was that about?

 

He watched Merlin carefully that night, maybe he wasn’t as miserable as he made him out to be, he sat talking to Lance. They looked quite friendly, he couldn’t quite recall how they knew each other, but he knew they were close. 

 

Then he noticed Cedric, watching Merlin like a hawk. Glaring at something Merlin and Lance were saying.

 

He briefly remembered something Cedric had said to him at the bar the night of his ‘coming out party’, Arthur asking how he put up with Merlin, Cedrics suggestive smirk seemed creepy now,

 

Oh don’t worry, I have my ways.

 

**********-**********

 

Whiskey was the only thing strong enough right down. It burned right from his lips down to the pit of his stomach, he felt every move as it slid down to his gut. 

 

And he thought he’d gone numb.

 

The letter sat crumpled up at his feet, offending and cruel, he considered throwing it into the fire, but no. Sometime, he was going to have all this out with his father, he wanted every scrap of his betrayal there as proof. 

 

But for now, he was drunk, depressed, lonely and out of his father’s will, officially disowned. He considered phoning Morgana, but she was on a date with Leon, he really didn’t want to disturb them. He thought about phoning Gwen or Lance, but they came as a pair, and a pair was not what he wanted right now, thank you very much. So he was left with Gwaine, or Merlin. Gwaine, in his own quirky ways was a good mate, but not the right mate for what he needed. He needed to talk, to rant and to cry. And he just couldn’t do that with Gwaine. Gwaine was great for the occasional piss up, or angry rant followed by shots. 

 

So that left Merlin. He had said that he could talk to him whenever he wanted to, but how genuine that is, he didn’t know. He suspected not very, though. He barely ever spoke to Merlin, apart from calling him miserable and shouting at him for trying to help him. And anyway, he was probably with Cedric tonight, so that was out of the equation.

 

So that’s why Arthur ended up passed out in his arm chair, half a bottle of whiskey down, and a crumpled up letter from Uther at his feet.

 

**********-**********

 

The thing about Morgana is, she gets these feelings, no one could explain it, but she was always right. She had a feeling Arthur was gay before he knew himself, before Arthur fell out a tree when he was 14, she had a feeling it was going to end up badly. When he came out to Uther, she had a feeling it was going to go down badly. So, when she grinned at him like a mad woman possessed, he couldn’t help but be a little suspicious. 

 

“What are you smiling about? It’s Wednesday, you hate Wednesdays, you say they’re the devils day.” He grumbled as he ate his cereal.

 

“I think you should see Uther today” She took a sip of her coffee, smiling to herself.

 

“Uther doesn’t want to see me, Morgana, he’s made that much clear.”

 

“Just wait”

 

So, when he got to work, there was an email off Uthers secretary, telling him Uther wanted to see him when he finished work. 

 

Sometimes, Morgana really creeped him out.

 

**********-**********

 

Uther looked a good ten years older when he arrived at his office, his secretary giving him a sympathetic glance.

 

“Sit down, Arthur” Uther said gravely, nodding to the chair opposite his own. “I didn’t know if you’d want to see me”

 

“I didn’t know I did, but I wanted to hear you out, even if you did cut me out” He made no effort to disguise the venom in his voice. If it wasn’t for Morgana being creepily happy about it, he wouldn’t have come.

 

“I know, but Arthur, you have to understand, it was a shock, and I suppose it wasn’t what I had planned for you, for your life.”

 

“You can’t plan out my life, father” Arthur glared across the desk, speaking slowly and deliberate.

 

“When your mother was pregnant with you, Arthur, you were a miracle pregnancy, they said we’d never conceive, we were looking into IVF and all sorts but then, there you were, just a small bump but you brought so much hope. We started talking, your mother and I, about the kind of person you’d be, when we found out you were a boy, we were talking about what you’d do for a living, the kind of girl you’d marry, the grandchildren - ” He cut off, dropping his head in his hands. “When you told me, when you said, God I’d suspected, suspected it for a while, you were never a subtle teenager but I hoped it was just a phase. But no, you stood in front of me and declared no, you would not go on another date with a client’s daughter, because you didn’t like them, you like men, and you couldn’t lie anymore. I thought I’d lost the last bit of her, the last bit of my Ygraine. Of our dream.

 

But I was wrong, so wrong. Because you’re still my son, our son. I see her in you, the way jaw sets when you’re angry or determined, the way your eyes shine when you smile, the way you throw our head back laughing, she lives through you. And I can’t throw that away. I may not agree with your choices, but they’re not mine to make. I love you whatever choices you make, Son”

 

He hadn’t called Arthur Son in years. Tears ran unpermitted down his face as he strides around the table to envelope his father in a hug. Slowly, his father hugged him back, shaking with his own sobs. 

 

Maybe, they would be alright after all.

 

***********-***********

 

Friday rolled around again, and Morgana was a particularly strange mood. She stirred all the pots and pans with hunched shoulders, muttering to herself like a crazed witch.

 

“For gods sake, Morgana, what on earth is the matter?” Arthur demanded, watching her stamp around the kitchen. But she wouldn’t tell him, she simply acted like he wasn’t there.

 

Wine and conversation was flowing well around the table, but Morgana spent her time looking between Merlin and Cedric. Nothing seemed strange about them, though. Arthur was watching too, when he noticed Morgana’s suspicious glare.

 

Cedric was chatting to Gwen, and Merlin to Lance, just like usual. Morgana had obviously got a screw loose. 

 

After dinner, as usual, Merlin went to the balcony to smoke, and Cedric stayed inside.

 

“How’s it going, Cedric?” Arthur patted him on the back, and Cedric jumped a mile.

 

“Sorry! Good, thanks, how about you?” Cedric squeaked.

 

“Good, thanks man. How’s it going with you and Merlin? I never really got to ask before”

 

Cedric shrugged, plastering a smile on his face. “Oh, you know same old, as it usually is with Merlin” He rolled his eyes, bur Arthur didn’t know what it was usually like with Merlin, apart from the fact he looked life someone stole his ice cream. 

 

On the other side of the room, Morgana was glaring.

 

**********-**********

 

Arthur was cleaning the last of the wine bottles from the living room; really, there were a lot of them. Maybe, as a group they had a drinking problem. It was ridiculous how much wine they got through. 

 

“Arthur, I need a favour” Morgana said from the kitchen.

 

“Of course, sister dearest, anything for you” He said sweetly, but Morgana wasn’t smiling.

 

“I need you take this to Merlin’s.” She thrust a cake box into his hands.

 

“To…Merlin’s? Why?”

 

“Because he likes cheesecake, and we had some leftover.” She lied smoothly.

 

“You never usually send cheesecake to Merlin”

 

“Well now I am”

 

“Why? You’ve been acting strange all evening, now you want me to take cheesecake…to Merlin?”

 

She sighed. “I just have a feeling, a bad feeling, and I want you to check on Merlin, please?” She looked defeated, as she usually did when she got these bad ‘feelings’.

 

“Cedrics with him, I’m sure he wouldn’t let anything happen”

 

Morgana didn’t look convinced, though. If anything, it made her more determined that Arthur go, right now, thank you very much, call me if there’s any sign of trouble.

 

So, that’s how Arthur ended up standing outside Merlin’s building, relentlessly pressing the buzzer until finally, a crackled ‘hello’ came through the speaker.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Domestic violence, mentions of homophobia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Domestic violence, mentions of homophobia.

Part 2: The Breaking of Merlin

 

Somewhere in the tiny apartment, Merlin’s phone was ringing, the sound somewhat muffled from being covered. 

“Cedric, have you seen my phone?” Merlin called from the living room, looking around uselessly. He could hear it, but he was damned if he could see it.

“Check under the sofa cushions” Cedric called back from the bedroom, where he was getting dressed. Of course! There it was, hidden away under the blue cushion. Where else could it have been?”

“Hello?” He answered, a little breathlessly. 

“What took you so long?” Morgana demanded from the other end.

“I lost my phone, standard procedure, really.”

“Okay, well, what are you doing Saturday night?”

Merlin sighed, “Hold on” He muttered, before covering the speaker on the phone. “Cedric” He shouted in the direction of the bedroom. “Plans, Saturday night, do we have any?”

A pause, then “No”

“No, we’re good” He told Morgana, “Why, what’s going on?”

“Friday night dinner’s cancelled, we’re having a coming out party for Arthur at the Rising Sun”

Merlin huffed. Cedric came out the bedroom, wearing his typical work suit. He gave Merlin a questioning look. Merlin just rolled his eyes.

“I thought Arthur had already come out? At least, that’s what I gathered from the way he was trying to suck Cenreds face off on New Year’s”

In the background, Cedric was snickering to himself. Merlin threw him a ‘shut up I’m trying to act supportive’ look over his shoulder.

“Well, yes” Morgana agreed slowly. “But he’s coming out to Uther, and it’s not going to go down well”

“Okay” Merlin huffed. So the prince was finally doing something for himself for a change. “Well, good for him, but he doesn’t like me, why do I have to come?”

“Because, you’re gay and out, and I thought it might be nice if you were there as support if he needed someone to talk to”

“He’s never spoken to me, well, barely. The odd word here and there, but anyway, that’s not the point, he doesn’t like me”

“Well you’re invited. And I’d love it if you and Cedric came, and we’re going to get Gwaine so pissed he’ll end up buying all the rounds”

Merlin huffed out a laugh. “Okay, fine. We’ll be there. Text me the details”

“Fabulous!” She sung, and the phone clicked off. Merlin sighed. And chucked his phone back onto the sofa.

“That’s how your phone gets lost” Cedric said from behind him, kissing his cheek lightly. “What’s going on Saturday?”

“Prince Arthurs having a coming out Party”

Cedric raised an eyebrow, a hint of a smirk on his lips. “I never had a coming out party, I had a plate threw at my head. Besides, I thought he was already out”

“Not to his father, apparently. I got a smack round the head and told that ‘shagging men doesn’t permit me to drop out of Uni’” He did his best impression of his Mothers disappointed angry voice, not very well though. Cedric just snorted

“What does a coming out party involve, exactly?” Cedric straightened up his tie, “Firemen jumping out a cake? Strippers?”

“Dunno, getting Gwaine pissed and convincing him to buy the drinks apparently”

“Sounds good, I’m going to be late for work, what are you going today?” Merlin shrugged. This was the problem with school holidays, he was bored. He’d done all the marking for his class, done his planning for next term, his time was his own. 

“Might go shopping for a bit, we need food, and we’re not going to Morganas Friday night”

“Takeaway it is then, see you later” Cedric was gone then, and Merlin sighed with relief. He sank down onto the sofa. He did need to go shopping, but that meant going outside. He looked down at the finger shaped bruises on his wrists, dark and purple against his pale skin. It was July, too warm outside to be wearing long sleeves out, but the bruises were too noticeable not to wear them. 

That was another problem with the holidays; more bruises were much more noticeable.

**********-**********  
Wednesday night ended with Cedric asleep by 10pm, and Merlin sitting on the sofa, ice pack on his cheek, hoping this bruise would go down before Saturday.

At 11, the ice had melted and the bruise didn’t feel as bad. Looking in the bathroom mirror, he’d had worse, defiantly had worse. This was nothing, he’d caught him on the side of the cheek, by his hairline. By Saturday, hopefully no one would notice. 

He crawled into bed, and Cedric rolled over to curl around him. He kissed the back of Merlins neck in his half asleep state. They never spoke about the beatings after they happened, never acknowledged the bruises. They just carried on like nothing happened.

**********-**********

Saturday afternoon, they sat on the old blue sofa watching an old torchwood episode, when Merlins phone buzzed in his pocket, text from Morgana.

 

7PM, rising sun, coming out did not go well.

 

Merlin rolled his eyes, “Rising Sun at 7 tonight” He told Cedric. “Apparently going out did not go well”

 

Cedric chuckled to himself. “They really tiptoe around him, don’t they”

 

“It’s not like he’s a bloody prince, Morgana says she’s being supportive, I think they need to let him get on with it”

 

At 6, Merlin stood up with a stretch. “I’m going to get ready” He announced, padding into the bedroom.

 

At 6:45, Cedric still wasn’t ready. “Come on” Merlin huffed, searching the kitchen for his wallet. It was probably in the fridge again, or the kettle. He hoped it wasn’t in the kettle again.

 

“What’s the rush, the bar’s 5 minutes from here.”

 

“Yes but it’ll take you 10 minutes to get ready so just” He gestured towards the bedroom. He noticed the four empty beer cans on the side. “Fuck” He muttered to himself. “How much have you been drinking?”

 

Cedric got up and swaggered over to him, his face just inches away. “What’s it to you?”

 

“You need to get ready”

 

Cedric pushed him down, giving him a swift kick to the ribs. “Get up” He spat, slamming the bedroom door behind him. Merlin winced as he tried to stand up. That was going to bruise, big time. He pulled himself up, and leant against the cupboard, lifting his shirt up. The new bruise simply faded into the rest of the bruises.

 

**********-**********

 

They arrived at The Rising Sun at just gone 7, which wasn’t bad going considering it hurt to move.

 

Arthur was stupidly drunk and stroking Leon’s beard, marveling over how ginger it was. Merlin rolled his eyes. Gwaine was buying shots by the gallons, which would explain the staggering and flirting. Morgana was watching Arthur with concern, and Gwen was looking at the yellow green bruise on his cheek with concern.

 

“Hit it on the doorframe the bloody klutz” Cedric had told her affectingly, Merlin just shrugged.

 

Cedric sat talking to Percy, a tall, broad friend of Arthur’s who had to be on steroids. Merlin was talking to Gwen and Lance about their upcoming wedding. Arthur was drinking a shot of cherry sourz, looking at the empty glass affectionately, and announcing he was going to drink of a bottle of it.

 

“You can’t drink a bottle of it” Merlin scoffed, and Gwen giggled at his side. 

 

Arthur looked at him through widened eyes. “Did I say that out loud?” He giggled and covered his mouth, then sung - very badly “I’m thinking ooouuutttttt loud” He hiccupped, “Do I do that when ‘m drunk?”

 

“Yes, you did, and you do”

 

Arthur narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re miserable” He turned to Cedric. “How do you put up with him. 

 

Cedric just smirked. “Oh don’t worry, I have my ways”

 

Merlin felt sick.

 

**********-**********

 

For July, it was freakishly cold, or maybe it was just Merlin.

 

“well, you are skinny” Cedric said when Merlin shivered again, “I don’t know how, you eat more than anyone I know”

 

Merlin shrugged. “Dunno, good metabolism”

 

“Maybe” Cedric looked at his watch. “What time are we going to Morgana’s?”

 

“About 7:30, you ordering a taxi?”

 

**********-**********

 

For all of Morgana’s faults, and there were a fair few of them, she was a bloody good cook. Who thought of making Beef Manhattan on a Friday night was a genius. Everyone was in high spirits, chatting easily, but he had a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. Cedric had been surprisingly nice over the past few days, and he could only explain it as the calm before the storm. 

 

But he was going to enjoy the peace while it lasted. 

 

After dinner, they all sat around drinking wine and beer, Arthur looked miserable, before finally going out to the balcony. 

 

“Morgana” He half whispered.

 

“Yes?” She raised an eyebrow.

 

“Mind if I smoke on the balcony?” She looked half apologetic, and Morgana just smiled and nodded.

 

He paused. “What’s up with Arthur? He looked miserable”

 

“I think he’s been getting some grief at work, it’s bringing him down a bit” She sighed, looking towards the balcony. “Maybe I should go talk to him?”

 

“No, I’ll go, maybe it’ll help coming from someone who’s, you know, gay”

 

“Maybe” She smiled, “Thanks”

 

He strolled out to the balcony. “Hey” He said, announcing his presence. “It’s bloody cold out here” Merlin wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep some warmth “What you doing out here on your own?”

 

Arthur stared at him for a minute. “Just, you know, wanted some space, a bit of air, it’s been one hell of a week” He sighed, shaking his head, Merlin raised an eyebrow. “What you doing out here?”

 

Merlin held up a cigarette packet sheepishly. “Morgana said I could smoke out here, that alright?”

 

“Sure” Arthur shrugged, watching as Merlin lit the cigarette. “Want one?” Merlin asked when he caught Arthur watching. He shook his head, and Merlin smiled, as much as he could around the bloody cold.

 

“Does Cedric know you smoke?” 

 

Merlin tried to make himself look bored, he didn’t think it worked. “Yeah” He said sharply, trying not to think about the arguments him smoking had brought on. 

 

“And he’s alright with it?”

 

“Cedric doesn’t like me doing a lot of things, most things, actually. Smoking is on that long, long list” Merlin drawled, staring out over the black horizon. 

 

“I find that hard to believe, he always seems so damn happy, I’d have thought it would be the other way around”

 

Merlin took a long drag. “Yeah, well. You thought wrong”

 

They were silent for a while then, as Merlin thought how wrong a person could be about Cedric. He was a rat, a snake. But Merlin couldn’t get away, he’d tried. He shook his head, taking another long drag. He looked at Arthur again, he was staring off into the distance, that desperately depressing look on his face again, and it kind of hurt Merlin to look at. He could remember uni, after he came out, the arguments with his mum, Will trying his best to help him, the taunts and the homophobic twats writing FAG on his door…

 

“Look” Merlin Finally said. “I know what you’re going through is hard, I just wanted to let you know that if you wanted to talk to someone that isn’t your sister, I know we’re not exactly mates or anything, and I’m not suggesting we become BFFs, but if you wanted to talk to someone who isn’t straight, I’m here.”

 

“Are you suggesting I don’t have any gay friends?” Arthur scoffed.

 

Merlin raised an eyebrow. “Do you?”

 

“That is none of your business!”

 

“I was just trying to - ” Merlin started, he didn’t mean to offend Arthur, this time anyway.

 

“I don’t need your help Merlin” With that, Arthur stamped back into the house. 

 

Well…fuck Merlin thought as he finished of his Cigarette. That didn’t go as expected. He went back into the house, sitting between Cedric and Lance. Lance was telling a story about his recent adventure in Egypt. Back when Merlin and Lance was in uni, Merlin doing his teaching, and Lance training to become a doctor, They would go abroad and do charity work when they had a break. They’d had some mad adventures, Merlin wished he could go back to them times. It was much more simple.

 

Cedric was watching him closely, the calm before the storm.

 

**********-**********

 

They’d barely got into Merlin’s apartment before the first punch came to him stomach. It floored Merlin, bringing tears to his eyes.

 

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry

 

“What was you doing outside with Arthur?” Cedric was eerily calm for someone who just took a swing. 

 

“Nothing, I was smoking, he was just there”

 

“Liar” He kicked him square in the chest. “He wouldn’t stop looking at you all night” Cedric grabbed his wrist, pulled him up sharply. His grip tightened as he dragged him into the bedroom, slamming his head on the wall. “Fucking slut” He hissed, pulled his head back. “Bet you want to fuck him”

 

“No, Cedric stop - ”

 

“Shut up” He slammed his head against the wall again. “Listen to me, you talk to him again, I’ll fucking kill you” He let him drop to the floor, and Merlin held his breath until he heard the front door slam.

 

He calmed himself down before taking note of his injuries. Bruised chest, winded, massive bump on his head and an almighty bruise on his wrist, but other than that, he was fine, he’d be fine. 

 

He got an ice back out the freezer and put it on his head. No one would see the bruises, Cedric wasn’t stupid, quite the opposite, really. He never left a bruise in plain sight, unless he was really angry.

 

He’d get rid of him; he’d pack his stuff up and change the locks, soon.

 

Soon.

 

**********-**********

 

They were both would up that week, barely talking to each other and avoiding each other at all costs. The bruises were barely fading now before new ones were coming. It was over stupid stuff. If Cedric had a bad day at work, or Merlin went out for too long.

 

Sitting on the bathroom floor cleaning up a cut in his hairline, he vowed, this week would be the week he getting rid of him, leaving him, forcing him out, whatever, he was doing it, Friday. 

 

But Friday came, Cedric went to work and Merlin didn’t have the guts, he couldn’t do it. Cedric came home from work, and silently got dressed to go to Morgana’s. 

 

They were celebrating, apparently. Something to do with Arthur and his Father talking again. But Merlin didn’t pay that much attention, the thought of Friday had been tearing knots in his stomach all week. 

 

So, now they sat silently next to each other, eating Chicken Carbonara and talking to their friends separately.

 

Tonight, when they got home, he’d do it. He couldn’t bear it anymore. 

 

He looked across the table at Morgana, who was glaring daggers at Cedric. 

 

**********-***********

 

Merlin stood his ground, as soon as they got home; he balled up his fists and gritted his teeth.

 

“I want you gone” His voice was strong, stronger than he felt.

 

“What?”

 

Merlin took a deep breath. “This, us. It isn’t working. I can’t do it anymore, I want you gone”

 

He wasn’t surprised when Cedrics fist connected with his face. And again, and again. Blood poured into his eyes, ran down his chin. Maybe this would be the end him. 

 

“You wouldn’t last five minutes without me sweetheart” Cedric spat, kicking him in the ribs.

 

“I’m willing to take my chances”

 

The kicks came again, as did the punches. He saw his phone; it must have slipped out his pocket. He reached out for it, when Cedrics foot came down hard on his hand. Merlin cried out, and Cedric got down to his level. He slammed his head down on the floor, and Merlin saw stars. He closed his eyes, willing darkness to overcome him, but it never did. Instead, he was graced with the front door slamming, 

 

Gone, he was gone. 

 

But for how long?

 

He crawled to the bathroom and looked at this reflection, shit. His eyebrow had a nasty gash on it, pouring with blood, his lip was split, bruises were blooming across his face, he looked a mess. He needed to call someone; he needed someone to help him. His hand was possibly broke, and maybe a couple of ribs. With his good hand, he tried to clean himself up as much as possible, his lip had stopped bleeding, but his eyebrow wouldn’t give in. He’d call Lance, he was a doctor, he had connections, he could get Cedric the hell away from him.

 

It took him a minute to figure out that his door was buzzing. 

 

It wouldn’t be Cedric; he knew the code to get in. Shakily, he pressed the intercom.

 

“Hello?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are anymore trigger warnings, please let me know and I'll tag them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Mentions of suicidal thoughts

Part 3: Fast asleep

 

“Hello?”

 

“Merlin? It’s Arthur” Arthur was nervous, why the hell was he nervous? The look on Morgana’s face when she sent him out had put him on edge, but now…something felt off.

 

“Arthur?”

 

“Yeah” Arthur said slowly. “Morgana sent me with cheesecake” He felt stupid saying it, but the door buzzed and he pulled it open. He went up the lift and got to Merlin apartment, number 62. He knocked gingerly on the door, and it took a while to finally open.

 

The door opened wide, but he couldn’t see Merlin. He walked in, only to see Merlin hiding behind the door. Arthur raised an eyebrow. “Morgana sent me with cheesecake, apparently you like it and we’re not going to eat it.”

 

The door shut behind him, and Arthur gasped. Merlin’s face had been beaten to a bloody, bruised pulp. He was hunched over, one arm around his middle.

 

“Shit” He took Merlin’s face gently in his hands. He had a cut on his eyebrow that was going to need stitches, a split lip, bruises coming up left right and centre. “What happened? Who did this?”

 

Merlin didn’t answer, he just took a couple of shaky breaths. 

 

Arthur looked around then, Cedric was missing, there was a lamp laying on the floor, sad and broken, next to fresh patches of blood - 

 

“Merlin, it’s okay, just - ” He took a deep breath, not wanting to believe it. “Where’s Cedric”

 

Merlin stared at him hard. The look in his big blue eyes told him all he needed to know. “Shit” Arthur muttered. “I’ll kill the bastard”

 

“No” Merlin cried out, then winced and doubled over.

 

“Come, sit” He helped him to the sofa.

 

“You have to help me” Merlin pleaded, eyes wide and desperate. 

 

“I’m taking you to the hospital”

 

“No, please, can you just, get Lance? He’s a doctor, he can help me”

 

“No, you need to go to the hospital, don’t fight me, Merlin. So help me, you need a doctor, and the police and I will kill that fucker”

 

Merlin closed his eyes for a beat too long, squeezing his eyes shut, causing the cut on his eyebrow to bleed again. “I don’t want to go to the hospital” Merlin whispered, voice cracking. 

 

“Why not?” Arthur Demanded. He needed to see a doctor, someone who could put this on his records. Cedric would not get away with this. Arthur felt sick, thinking about the times he’d stuck up for Cedric.

 

“I don’t want to leave the apartment, what if he comes back? What if he’s here when I come back?”

 

Arthur nodded, thinking for a minute, he had a good point, but Merlin needed a doctor. “Okay” He agreed. “I’m calling Lance, he’s coming to have a look at you. I’m also calling Morgana, is the apartment in your name?” Merlin nodded weakly. Arthur got a flannel from the bathroom and soaked it in water, holding it to his eye. “Here’s the plan, Lance is going to fix up here, if we need the hospital, I’ll get Morgana and Leon to come here, and to stay while we’re away, I’ll ask them to see if they can get a locksmith to change the locks, this is London, surely there’s someone open at this time. Does that sound okay?” Merlin just nodded.

 

He phoned Lance first, he was convinced Merlin needed hospital treatment, His hand was swollen, and by the way he was sitting, he’d took a beating to the chest as well. 

 

“Arthur” Lance greeted sleepily, he looked at his watched, nearly 1am. “You alright?”

 

Arthur took at deep breath. “Not really, I need you to come to Merlin’s”

 

“Merlin’s?” Lance said slowly, he sounded more awake. “Arthur, why do you need me to come to Merlin’s?”

 

He looked at Merlin, who was slumped over, still holding the flannel to his head. “He’s been beaten pretty badly, I’ll explain when you get here, but…he’s in a pretty bad state”

 

“I’ll be right there” The phone clicked off, and he dialed Morgana’s number.

 

“What’s wrong” She demanded, of course she already knew something was wrong, she’d been telling him all evening.

 

“I need you and Leon to come to Merlin’s, I’ll explain when you get here” he clicked off, not wanting to talk about Merlin over the phone when he was sitting right next to him. 

 

“Merlin, look at me” Arthur gently pulled the flannel away from his eye, it was still bleeding a bit, it was too deep, it would probably need stitches, he wouldn’t tell him that, though. “Have you got a first aid box?”

 

Merlin nodded. “In the cupboard under the sink in the bathroom”

 

It was a fairly large box, as far as first aid boxes went. He opened it on the coffee table, pulling out one of the many antiseptic wipes. “This is a very well stocked first aid box” He said, impressed, but the look on Merlin’s face stopped him. “Shit” He muttered “Shit shit I’ll kill the bastard”

 

The intercom buzzed, and Merlin stood up to answer it. “Sit” Arthur instructed, and answered it himself.

 

Lance patched him up better than Arthur could. He put sterile strips on his eyebrow until they got to the hospital. He cleaned up his lip, and wrapped up his hand. Then, gave him a hard stare.

 

“You know what I’m going to ask you to do” Lance said pointedly. 

 

Merlin shook his head. “Please don’t”

 

“I’ve got to; it’s either me or one of the doctors at the hospital”

 

Merlin sighed and hung his head. Lance gently pushed his shoulder so he was leaning back on the sofa.

 

“Lift up your shirt”

 

Slowly, Merlin pulled up his jumper with his good hand, and Lance, finally breaking his clinical exterior, hissed. “Don’t” Merlin whispered.

 

“These are old” Lance said slowly, Merlin just nodded sadly. Taking a deep breath, Lance felt his ribs. Arthur, finally losing to his morbid curiosity, leant over to look.

 

He quickly wished he hadn’t. Merins ribs were a symphony of purple, blue, yellow and black bruises, some old, some new. Arthur wanted nothing more than to hit something, preferably Cedric. 

 

“These will need x-raying. Arthur, how far away is Morgana and Leon?”

 

“About ten minutes”

 

“I can stay here while you go to the hospital” Gwen said from the kitchen. Arthur had forgotten she was here.

 

“I’m not leaving you here on your own” Lance snapped, “I need Arthur to come to the hospital with me” Gwen simply nodded. Lance pulled his phone out and put it to his ear.

 

“Morris? It’s Doctor DuLac, Yes I know it’s my day off, I’m coming in with a Domestic violence victim, 25, male” He paused “Merlin Emrys, he’ll need stitches and x-rays, possible broken hand, cracked ribs…Thanks, about 20 minutes” He put the phone down and stared at Merlin. “They’re expecting you, there’s an on call police officer coming, don’t fight me, Merlin, don’t even think about it, he’ll get what’s coming.”

 

**********-**********

 

Lance and Arthur had to stay in the waiting room while the doctors took Merlin away. Lance tried to go with them, but they directed him here and told them to wait for the police, they wanted to ask them some questions. 

 

The police came and went, there wasn’t a lot they could say. Arthur was just dropping off some left over cheesecake, when he found him like that. He left out Morgana’s bad feeling; they didn’t need to know that. He didn’t know how long the violence was going on for, he didn’t know what provoked it, he was a bit useless, but the officer thanked him anyway.

 

Eventually, after what felt like a lifetime, a doctor came in.

 

“Does Mr. Emrys have any family?” He asked, looking between the two of them. Lance shook his head.

 

“His mother died last year, he hasn’t got a dad, or any living relatives.” The doctor nodded and looked at his notes.

 

“He’s got two breaks on his hand, a cracked rib and stitches on his eyebrow. Other than that he’s generally very bruised. Though I have to suspect that he was rather bruised before today?” The doctor gave them both a stern look. “Well done on your first aid before he came in, though. He can go home now, if he’s going into someone’s care?”

 

“Mine” Arthur said quickly. “He can stay with me for tonight” Morgana had text him earlier anyway, saying her and Leon were staying until the locks were changed, which would be until later. 

 

The doctor nodded “Very good, if you could come with me to fill out some paperwork”

 

Arthur filled out the forms impatiently, he wanted to see Merlin, he hoped to god he looked better than when he was going lead off by the doctors. 

 

Lance helped him get Merlin to the car, who looked generally out of it, but better. Lance said the painkillers he was on were pretty strong, so he’d be out of it for a while. It was probably for the best, Arthur thought. He dropped Lance back at Merlin’s place so he could pick Gwen and go home. It had been a long night, Arthur would be glad to get back home. 

 

He drove him and Merlin back to his, it was a longer drive, but Cedric wouldn’t come looking for him there. At least, he hoped.

 

“Where are we going?” Merlin finally perked up when they were halfway to Arthur’s. 

 

“You’re staying at mine tonight, or for however long you need” Merlin nodded, not questioning it, he went back to staring out the window. 

 

Gwen had brought some of Merlin’s things round, his pyjamas, toothbrush, some spare clothes. Arthur helped him change into his pyjamas, wincing at the bruising on his ribs. He shook with anger, but now was neither the time or place to do anything about that. He helped Merlin into bed, and finally sat in the living room. He looked at the clock, 7am, God it had been a long day, he wanted nothing more than to go to sleep, but he was wide awake and alert. So he called Morgana instead.

 

“How is he?” She asked in a small voice, she sounded younger, worn out.

 

“He’s in bed now, he’s not said a lot, the pain killers are pretty strong apparently, he’ll be out of it for a while, I hope anyway. Any sign or Cedric?”

 

“No” She spat. “He knows what he’s done, he won’t come back for a while. We’ve packed up his stuff, though so he’s got no reason to hang around. I’ll start phoning around for a locksmith soon, I couldn’t find any open late.”

 

“Do you…do you think Merlin will want to go back there?”

 

“I don’t know” Morgana said after a pause, “Arthur, Leon and I thought we’d clean the blood stains off the floor, there’s a few of them, old ones, I mean. How long do think it was going on for?”

 

“A while, you should see his first aid box, he was used to patching up wounds. How did no one notice?”

 

“I don’t know” She whispered. “I feel awful, the last few months, he’s been miserable, even when it was hot outside he was always wearing long sleeves, the signs were there, Arthur, and no one noticed.”

 

“It’s okay, Morgana, he was trying to hide it”

 

“I just wish I’d have noticed”

 

Later on, sleep still evading him, he thought back to The Rising Sun, Cedrics smirk.

 

“How do you put up with it?”

 

“Oh, don’t worry, I have my ways.”

 

**********-**********

 

9am, sleep still hadn’t come. So, he tip toed into Merlin’s room, only to find him lying on his back, still wide awake.

 

“You okay?” He asked gently, Merlin nodded. “Have you been awake this whole time?” Merlin nodded. “Why?”

 

“Can’t sleep” Merlin muttered, staring at the ceiling. 

 

“You want me to stay with you?”

 

There was a pause, Merlin just stared at the ceiling, and then finally, he nodded. Arthur sat softly on the bed next to him.

 

They were both silent for a long time. Arthur was careful to keep his distance, making sure he didn’t touch him. 

 

“I’m scared he’ll come back” Merlin’s voice made him jump.

 

“He won’t come back, and if he does, Morgana will probably scratch his eyes out”

 

“I’d been saying I was going to break up with him for months”

 

“Merlin - ”

 

“It wasn’t always like that, you know, he used to be nice, he used to be caring.”

 

“Merlin - ”

 

“And then one day, bang. Knocked me out cold on the kitchen floor. It only went downhill from there. I knew one day I’d snap, I’d either snap or he’d kill me”

 

Arthur blanched, what could he say to that?

 

“Sometimes, I hoped he’d kill me, I didn’t have the will power to leave him, I hoped he’d hit me too hard, that I wouldn’t wake up one day.”

 

Arthur lay down on his side, facing Merlin slowly, he ran his fingers over the purple bruise on his cheek. Tears slid over his finger, he brushed them away gently.

 

“Why are you helping me?” Merlin whispered.

 

Because you tried to help me and I threw it back at you. Because I feel bad for not helping you all those times before. Because I called you miserable when you were being abused. Because you looked so damn helpless and bruised and battered and I’ll never get that image out my head. Because it’s what any decent human being would do. Because you don’t deserve this. Because you’re beautiful. the list could go on.

 

“Why wouldn’t I help you?”

 

“Because you don’t like me”

 

“That’s not true, I do like you”

 

Merlin snorted.

 

“I was always a bit jealous of you, you know, seems stupid now, but when I met you, you were fresh out of university, just come back from doing charity work in south Africa with Lance, you had some overly camp guy on your arm, and you were out and proud and doing the things I wish I could have done, but never did.”

 

Arthur watched carefully as Merlin took a shaky breath in. “You’ll get through this, I promise, we’ll all help you through, just…don’t give up.” He placed his hand gently on Merlin’s shoulder, and slowly started to drift off to sleep, Merlin whispered “Thank you”


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4: Waking up

When Merlin was sure Arthur was asleep, he gently removed his hand from his shoulder. He lay there for a long time, he knew he wouldn’t sleep, every time he closed his eyes, Cedric was there.

You wouldn’t last five minutes without me sweetheart.

Light filtered through the gaps in the curtains. A dull, grey light from the overcast sky. Even in the Daylight he couldn’t see the sun.

Slowly, being sure he didn’t hurt himself too much or wake Arthur, he slid out of bed and walked to the kitchen. He got a glass of water and sat on the black leather sofa, leaning back; his ribs didn’t hurt as bad. The pain killers made his head a little cloudy, but it took the edge off the pain.

Breathing hurt, so he tried his best to take shallow breaths. It wasn’t the first time he’d broke his ribs, probably the worse, but hopefully the last. He wondered about Cedric, if he’d gone back to his flat, or was out somewhere. The police said they were looking for him, had they found him? Or was he still out there?

He didn’t want to think about it, but his mind wouldn’t wander from it. The look in his eyes when he took the first swing, Merlin shuddered. He stared at the white cast on his hand. He didn’t even want to know what his face looked like, if it looked at bad as it felt.

He didn’t need to look at his ribs, though. No one else ever saw his chest, so it was a main target area. The Police had taken photographs, and he told them everything. It was the first time he felt that someone would actually believe him.

On the outside, Cedric was charming and happy and everyone liked him, behind closed doors, it was a different story.

The bedroom door opened, and Arthur came out, looking a little less worse for wear than he did before he went to sleep. Merlin looked at the clock, nearly noon. He hadn’t slept in 41 hours.

Arthur seemed to read his mind. “Have you had any sleep?”

Merlin shook his head. “Every time I close my eyes, I see him, like he’s right there in front of me again and he’s –”

“Stop” Arthur cut him off with a severe look. “We’re not going to let him anywhere near you”

“What if he was right, what if I did deserve it?”

Arthur went white. “He said that?” His voice dangerously low.

“In the beginning, not towards the end, I was saying it at the end”

“Hey, come on, look at me, you didn’t deserve what happened to you, it wasn’t you fault. It’s never your fault”

“I was leaving him” He whispered, hands shaking. “I finally got the courage to tell him to go, It took me 2 years of hitting and kicking and screaming, but I did it”

2 years. Arthur felt sick. He met Merlin when he was 22, just before he got with Cedric. He couldn’t remember much from when he met him; he honestly didn’t pay that much attention. He remembered he looked happy though. His boyfriend at the time, Edwin, had been a strange character, wore bright colours, danced around and called everyone darling in an overly camp way. Merlin had always looked at him with amusement, but there were no dark circles around his eyes, he never flinched back then, never covered himself up, never looked miserable. 

He could remember when he first met Cedric, he was charming and happy and never strayed from Merlin’s side. They’d been dating for nearly a year when Arthur told Merlin what a great guy Cedric was.

‘Really, Merlin. How on earth did you get someone like him?’

‘Oh, you know, just luck I suppose.’

‘Well hold onto him, he’s a keeper’

Merlin’s smile was beautifully depressing, but no one noticed at the time.

**********-**********

Merlin finally started drifting off about 2pm. Arthur helped him to bed, and sat next to him. So he wouldn’t be alone.

When Merlin closed his eyes, he finally just saw darkness.

**********-**********

Merlin rubbed his hands together against the cold, and then got his packet of Mayfair out his pocket. Lighting up, he noticed someone watching him, he had longish, dark hair, and he supposed, a rather ordinary face, but he smiled and him and gave a little awkward wave, so Merlin nodded back and sat on the bench.

After a couple of minutes, the bench dipped under someone else’s weight. Merlin looked over sharply. The dark haired man had come to sit next to him. Merlin, in his slightly tipsy state, smiled at the man. If this would have been any other time, he’d have ignored him. But the vodka was giving him liquid confidence. 

“Hi” The man said, a little awkwardly.

“Hey” Merlin smiled.

“It’s bloody cold out here tonight”

Merlin snorted. “Tell me about it, you’d think it was the middle of November or something”

The man smiled crookedly. And Merlin offered him the cigarette packet, but he just shook his head. “Don’t smoke, mate. I’m just, you know, getting some air”

Merlin nodded it sympathy. “Yeah, it’s pretty crowded in there”

“Makes it worse that I’m here for a friends brothers girlfriends birthday”

Merlin snorted in amusement. “How did you get roped into that?”

“I don’t even know, I’ve only met the girl once” He looked around conspiratorially “I don’t even like her that much” He whispered.

That got a genuine laugh from Merlin. “Well, at least it’s a night out, I suppose. But saying that, I once got roped into going to a boyfriends sisters friends bar mitzvah, Yeah, that happened”

The man threw his head back laughing. “How did you get roped into that one?”

“I have no idea, but I’m telling you, being a gay couple in a room full of orthodox Jewish people, I think we were the entertainment.”

“I can imagine!”

“Yeah, awkward to say the least.”

“So, what are you doing here tonight?”

Merlin watched the man carefully. “Drinking my feelings, just gone through a break up, so pity drinking for me”

“I can’t imagine why anyone would want to break up with you” He was looking at Merlin seriously, eyes wide and sincere and fuck; this isn’t why he came out tonight.

“I’m Merlin” He said, holding out the hand that wasn’t hold the cigarette. 

The man smiled and put his hand into Merlin’s, shaking it softly. His hand was soft and warm despite the cold. And his thumb ran over his knuckles and gave him butterflies.

“Cedric”

**********-**********

Merlin woke up with a jolt, he tried to sit up, but his ribs protested and he cried out.

“Merlin, it’s okay” Arthur was next to him, pushing his shoulder down gently. “What Happened?”

A dream. Just a dream. A vivid, harsh dream. “Nothing” Merlin gasped out.

Arthurs eyes were wide with concern. “Merlin, you’re safe now, he’s not going to get near you again, I promise.” He was determined, his voice strong and passionate. 

They couldn’t get rid of the memories though.

He’d been awake about an hour, when he finally gave in and went to the toilet. He purposely looked away from the mirror, until he washed his hands, well hand. He took a deep breath, and looked up.

It was probably on par with what he expected. Four stitches over his eye, the cut on his lip was scabbed over. There were bruises from his jaw to his cheek, on his eye. He stared at himself hard, making sure to memories every bruise and cut and mark. He wouldn’t make these mistakes again. He was a survivor. And he would remember.

Arthur helped him get dressed, and put his painkillers next to his water on the table as he went to make food. 

Arthur and Merlin sat at the table eating toast, when the door clicked open. Merlin jumped, and Arthur quickly put his hand over his. “It’s just Morgana”

“Only me” Morgana confirmed, smiling sheepishly, Leon following her in with a weekender bag. “We brought some of your stuff. The locks been changed in your apartment, and Cedric hasn’t shown his face, Gwaine’s there with a cricket bat”

“Where did Gwaine get a cricket bat?” Arthur an eyebrow, hastily taking his hand back.

“I don’t question it; I assume it’s just for show, anyway. He’ll use his fists if Cedric shows his face.” Morgana sat next to Merlin, looking at the bruises and cuts.

“You alright?” She asked soothingly, like he was a wounded bird. Maybe he was.

“I’m fine” Merlin smiled carefully, so not to open the cut on his lip again. 

Morgana looked sceptical, but didn’t voice it. “How attached to your apartment were you?” She asked smoothly, Arthur raised as eyebrow.

“Not that much anymore” He said slowly. It was a pretty old place. And the thought of going back there made him nervous. 

“Me and Leon had a stroke of genius” She started proudly, Arthur snorted. Morgana glared, but carried on anyway. “Well, Leons apartments going back up for rent, we thought maybe you’d like first pick?”

Before Merlin could say anything Arthur said “Wait, where’s Leon going?”

“He’s moving” Morgana said smoothly.

“Where?”

“Here” Morgana said slowly, looking at him like he’d lost the plot.

“When were you telling me that?”

“I’m telling you now. So, Merlin what do you think? It’s a bit further away from work, but rents almost the same, and we thought – ”

“Thank you” Merlin cut her off. “Thank you so much” She wrapped her arms around him, waiting for the tears that never came.

“It’s okay, it’s the least we can do. We kind of packed up your stuff already, though.” She looked embarrassed, Merlin just laughed. 

“Thank you.”

**********-**********

The call came later the next day. The police had Cedric, after hearing the evidence against him, he pleaded guilty to the charges. Merlin wouldn’t have to go to court, wouldn’t have to see him again. He hung up and finally let the tears come. 

The door banged open and Arthur rushed in. He didn’t question why he was crying, he just sat next to him and held him, gently rocking him. Letting him sob into his t shirt. When Merlin was finally too exhausted to cry anymore, Arthur didn’t let him go, he held onto him a little tighter until Merlin was drifting off to sleep. He could have sworn he felt Arthur’s lips on his head.

**********-**********

On Monday, when everyone had gone to work, Lance came and checked him over. Merlin sat there blankly, letting Lance prod at his ribs. 

“I’d say they’ll heal fine, just don’t move around too much or do any heavy lifting. Make sure you’re taking the painkillers, they’ll help with your breathing” Lance sounded clinical, professional. He supposed this was his doctor mode. 

“So, I hear you’re moving into Leons flat?” Lance smiled, finally breaking doctor mode. 

Merlin nodded. “Yeah, I’m grateful, I don’t think I could have gone back to my apartment...I kind of want to, though, just one last time.”

“You can go back if you want, we’ll come with you”

“I think I need to go on my own”

“Merlin – ”

“I just, I need to see it again, I need to pack up my own things and just get some kind of closure.”

Lance nodded sombrely. “If you need help, need to talk to someone, you know we’re all here for you, right? Or I can find someone for you to talk to, a counsellor, or find a support group”

“Thank you, but I think I’m going to be okay”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, I spent the last 2 years going numb after all the names he called me and all the times he knocked me down, I’m free now.”


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5: Chances taken

“Fag” 

It was disguised as a cough, but the word was clear – and offensive - enough.

Arthur glared at his sandwich, but didn’t grace Valiant with his attention, which was exactly what he wanted. 

“Dickhead”

Leon smirked to himself from behind his hand, proud of his comeback. Arthur smiled and rolled his eyes; Valiant glared, but didn’t say anything. It was like being in school, Arthur thought sadly. 

Valiant stamped out the staff room, Arthur and Leon looked at each other for a minute, before erupting into a fit of giggles.

“You should start bringing baguettes, really give him something to stare at” Leon giggled. For a grown man, he had a pretty girly laugh, and that was coming from the gayer one.

“Or a hot dog” Arthur agreed. “Thanks for that, though.”

“It’s alright; I’d love to knock that man down a step or two”

Arthur nodded in agreement. “Damn homophobes. This is exactly the reason I waited to come out”

“Ignore him, he’ll soon get bored and move onto bullying the apprentices.”

“With any luck he’ll drop off the face of the earth, him and Cedric”

“Couldn’t agree more. Speaking of, you heard anything more about his trial?”

Arthur glared at his sandwich wrapper. “No, Merlin won’t tell me anything” he muttered.

“It’s hard for him, years of abuse finally being put into light; he’s handling it better than I thought”

“He’s handling it brilliantly; I’m just worried he might be handling it too well”

“You think he’s going to crack?” Leon sighed, he’d thought it himself, but didn’t want to say anything.

“I hope he doesn’t, but he never really talks about it, aren’t you supposed to talk about these things? Getting it off your chest and all that?”

Leon shrugged. “People cope in different ways, I suppose. Gwaine’s been round there a lot, so has Gwen and Lance, maybe he’s talking to them about it, he was never really that close with us before, I know he’s gotten a lot closer with you recently, but he might still feel uncomfortable.”

“Maybe” Arthur granted, though not fully convinced.

**********-**********

Merlin had to remind himself not to jump half a mile every time someone came to the door. 

He had to remember that Cedric was in custody, he didn’t get bail, and he wasn’t coming out. Besides, he didn’t know where he lived now anyway.

He looked through the peephole, there was an older man, wearing an expensive suit and holding a briefcase. Strange, Merlin thought as he opened the door. 

“Uther Pendragon” The man nodded curtly. “I assume you’re Mr. Emrys?” Merlin nodded dumbly. Uther held his hand out, and then retracted it when he saw the cast on Merlin’s hand. “Sorry” He coughed. “Mind If I come in”

Merlin stepped aside, still not really knowing what to say, Uther Pendragon as in Arthur and Morgana Pendragon?

“Morgana sent me” He explained, opening his briefcase on the coffee table.

“Okay” Merlin said slowly, “Would you like a...erm...drink?”

“No, thank you.”

Merlin sat next to him on the sofa, tapping his leg nervously. “Morgana wanted me to give you some sort of an idea what would happen at Mr. Sigans court case.” Uther gave him a pointed look. 

“Oh, that’s very kind, thank you” Merlin squeaked, wide eyed, he stared at the papers in the briefcase. He could have sworn there was a picture of his battered face in there. 

“From the evidence given by you, Arthur and witnesses – ”

“Witnesses?” Merlin interjected, shocked.

“Police went to the neighbours to see if they heard or saw anything, two of your neighbours gave statements from things they overhead previously”

“Oh” Merlin swallowed.

“There’s not actual sentence for domestic violence, but Mr. Sigan’s looking at charges for unlawful wounding, grievous bodily harm, assault occasioning actual bodily harm, aggravated assault, common assault, and putting a person in fear of violence. Unfortunately, Mr Emrys, today’s justice system is not in the victims favour. He’s looking at 5 years at the very maximum. Since he pleaded guilty, though, it’s doubtful he’ll get that.” He gave the papers he was holding a severe look. Merlin was surprised they didn’t burst into flames. “But know this, Mr. Emrys, he won’t have a job after this. No one wants to employ someone convicted on them charges. This will stay on his records; new partners will be able to see that he’s been convicted. He may not get a long jail sentence, but he will not get away. I can help you get an injunction against him, so he won’t come back.”

Merlin swallowed, lost for words, it wasn’t sinking in. “Thank you” He whispered. Fighting back tears.

“It’s the least I can do...I read your medical report from the hospital, and I saw the photos the police took as evidence. If I were the judge, he’d have 30 years minimum. Unfortunately, the justice system is failing people like you. I’ll see myself out. I’ll send you an appointment to file an injunction, good day, Mr. Emrys.”

“Thank you, Mr Pendragon.”

“I’ll be keeping an ear out for what happens, Mr. Emrys. You deserve much better... When you’re ready, my son’s taken a keen interest in you” With that, he closed the door behind him, and Merlin was left dumbfounded. 

 

**********-**********

Arthur sat on the sofa next to him, watching Futurama. He rarely left him alone anymore. Not for too long, anyway. 

“Your Father paid me a visit today” Merlin didn’t take his eyes off the TV.

“Morgana said she was going to get him to talk to you. Was it helpful?”

“He said Cedric would get 5 years maximum. But it was doubtful he’d get that”

Arthurs hand tightened on the remote, skin stretching firmly over his knuckles, but he remained silent, just nodded curtly.

Merlin didn’t say anything about it again, until Arthur finally said “How do you feel about that?”

Merlin shrugged. He didn’t want to say what was going through his head. He was angry, disgusted, confused, upset all in one go. How can the man who knocked him down so many times, made him want to end it all, get away with such a little sentence? He remembered what Uther had said to him. ‘The Justice system is failing people like you’. But, still, he was going down for it. He had to go down; else Merlin didn’t know what he’d do. Move to Australia, probably. As far away as he could get.

He jumped when Arthur put his larger hand over his. 

“Hey, it’s okay. He’ll pay. One way or another, he’ll pay”

Merlin nodded thanks, unable to speak.

‘When you’re ready, my son’s taken a keen interest in you’

**********-**********

2 Years.

Merlin’s knees buckled under him, and Gwaine caught him as he fell.

2 years maximum. 1 year if he’s good.

1 year and he’d be out. Back living his usual life and Merlin would still be here. Shaking with fear every time the door went, or if someone moved too quickly, talked too loud. 

But he was going down. He held onto Gwaine tightly. He was going to be sick, or pass out, or something but oh god no. In 1 years time, he could be out ruining some else’s life, ruining his life.

“I’ve got you” Gwaine reassured him. “It’s okay, let’s go home, get away from here”

They drove back to Merlin’s apartment in silence, his hands shaking and his stomach in knots. In all the scenarios he’d made up in his head, Cedric would have gotten at least 3 years. No getting out early for good behaviour. 

But he got 2 years maximum. His remorseless face as he pleaded guilty would be forever singed into Merlin’s brain. That little smirk that he’d seen so many times before made his head pound.

He didn’t know how, but he was lying on his bed, staring at the cream wall.

Arthur banged in, he didn’t know how much time later, and wrapped himself around Merlin, muttering “I’ll kill the bastard”

Sometime later, Arthur moves, and Merlin clings onto his arm. 

“Don’t leave me” He gasps out, frightened to be alone with his thoughts.

“I’m not leaving you; I’ll be here for as long as you want me here.”

But Merlin didn’t want him to leave.

**********-**********

Dinners with Uther were awkward at the best of times. Arthur had never really felt comfortable around his father. Yes, he had his times where he was kind and gentle, but most times he’d been spending too much time in the office, and all his years as a lawyer had taken its toll on him.

Morgana never helped, though. She was like hawk, never missing a beat.

“Father” She said in a warning tone after he’d finished his meal “Eat your greens, it’s good for your blood pressure”

“My blood pressure is fine” He muttered, but ate the vegetables anyway. “So” He quickly changed the conversation, before Morgana could ask any more questions about his blood pressure. “How’s it going living with Leon now?”

“It’s great” Morgana got this dreamy look in her eyes that Arthur needed to remember so he could mock her about it later. “Couldn’t have worked out better, actually” Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Arthur, do you not approve?”

“I approve of Leon, he’s my best mate, but its weird watching my sister and best mate shack up, it’s like something off of friends”

“Whose friends?”

Morgana and Arthur both snickered behind their hands. Trust Uther not be up with the times.

“No, father, the TV show”

“Never heard of it”

“That’s because you still thought Buffy was running” Morgana scoffed.

“Okay, if we’ve quite finished mocking my lack of knowledge of TV shows?”

“For now” Morgana agreed. 

“I kept up with Mr. Sigans court case” Uther watched Arthur carefully as his jaw jutted. “Disgusting, what he got”

“I tried to get Merlin to appeal and try and get him re trialled, but he didn’t want to”

Uther nodded. “The best thing for him is to put all this behind him. Although, if he does want to appeal, send him my way, and I’ll do my best for him”

Arthur stared at his father in surprise. “Thank you, Father. That’s very kind.”

Uther sighed solemnly. “I read the case before I went to see him the other day. Sick, what that man did to him for all them years. I read the witness reports, as well from that night”

“I didn’t know there were witness reports” Arthur sat up straight in surprise, Morgana looked just as shocked as he did.

“Yes, apparently the police had been called out 4 times in the past 2 years because the neighbours had been concerned, there had never been enough evidence, though. And Merlin had never wanted to say anything. The neighbours had said what happened that night wasn’t much different to what they heard other nights, maybe it went on for a bit longer”

Morgana had paled and looked at her lap. Hands shaking on the table. Uther held her hand lightly. “Its okay, Morgana. It’s not your fault. I’ve dealt with abuse victims before. They hide it very well; they don’t want you to know”

“I should have seen it, I should have done something”

“Morgana, stop. He didn’t want you to know, so there’s nothing you could do. He dealt with it in his own time”

“Look where that got him” Arthur muttered irritably.

Uther sighed. “Indeed, but, I’ve seen men get six months for the occasional assault, which is what Cedric would have got if Merlin went to the police without provoking Cedric. It was an unbelievably hard thing to do, but I read his statement, Arthur, he knew what he was doing”

“What?” Arthur stuttered.

“I’m not supposed to tell you this, but in his statement, Merlin said ‘I knew he’d beat me within an inch of my life, I just needed the courage to tell him, and he’d either beat me, or kill me. Either way, he’d get caught.”

“But” Arthur tried to clear his head. “He begged me not to take him to the hospital”

“Until someone could stay there in case Cedric came back for him.”

“That stupid man” Arthur shook his head.

Uther watched him for a while, before saying, “So, would I be right in thinking you had feelings for him?”

Morgana coughed out a laugh from behind her napkin, Arthur turned bright red. 

**********-**********

It was Saturday night, and Arthur sat with Merlin on his battered up sofa watching re runs of old game shows, drinking cheap cans of beer. It was silent for a while, but comfortably. Arthur didn’t like Merlin being on his own, and Merlin didn’t really like being on his own. 

“Thank you, by the way” Merlin finally spoke up.

“Huh, yeah...for what?”

Merlin quirked a smile. It reminded Arthur of that time he was smoking on the balcony and he almost smiled at him. “For, you know. Staying with me. You don’t have to, I’m sure you have better things to be doing with your Saturday nights.”

Arthur smirked. “Surprisingly enough, I don’t have better things to do, and it beats listening to Morgana and Leon having sex all the time. Besides, I like spending time with you” He nudged him softly.

“Really?” Merlin raised an eyebrow

“Yeah, is that so hard to believe?”

“Kind of” Merlin shrugged. His mind went back to Cedric; he always told him that no one but him would want him, that without Cedric, he was nothing. 

You wouldn’t last five minutes without me sweetheart.

“Hey” Arthur said gently. “Stop that”

“Stop what?”

“Thinking about him. You did it, Merlin. You got away, and he’s in jail now, albeit not for as long as anyone hoped, but it’s done, he’s gone. You can move on with your life. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but you’ll do it. You survived for that long, surviving should be effortless now”

For a brief moment, Merlin thought Arthur was going to kiss him, but he didn’t. And for that, Merlin was eternally grateful.


End file.
